


rather be with you

by senapplepie



Category: Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Best Friends, Multi, Mutual Pining, and some people making out, brief center x center, grammar whats that, heh first ao3 thing, im a lowercase kinda person, im an amateur, lmao i'll add more characters soon, maybe more ships, ok theres drinking in this, tentative cast atm, theres swear words so don't bite me later i warned you, very flawed writing forgive me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-07 07:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11053863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/senapplepie/pseuds/senapplepie
Summary: she had feelings for me. and they just deepened after she had learnt i was in love with him. she succumbed to this cruel game love set her up with. she knew this was temporary. that one day she’d lose me and her heart would be broken.i knew this as a fact that one day, i’d end up confessing to him and have my heart shattered too. he deserved to know. i couldn’t suffer, keeping my feelings for him locked up in my heart forever. and maybe i’d die a little in the process. maybe overdose on liquor. maybe run into some really bad decisions. maybe lose one of my closest friends. but that day wasn’t today and of course no time soon.





	1. no. 1

**Author's Note:**

> ok hi i started writing this after ep 3  
> but im a big procrastinator so it went through at least 10 rounds of "am i sure i want to do this to ... or why am i doing this?"  
> so here i am, after i just told myself, fuCK IT  
> im having school break rn so hopefully i'll be able to upload soon  
> erratic uploading schedules i guess  
> ok i hope y'all enjoy?? i wrote in wattpad w the same @ try finding me and my old work heh if you want to see my writing as a smol  
> (you might find some angst and a lot of unfinished work that i abandoned barely after starting so)

(daehwi)

I relished in the sound of him snoring.

Our bodies pressed inextricably by the thin blanket. 

I let myself breathe to his heartbeat. my heart was almost protuberant through my chest and all i wanted to do at that moment was kiss him. I wanted to run my icy hands through his silky hair. I wanted to caress his cheek and pull him into a feverish kiss, a thing of every young boy’s dream and stagnate his mind until it drove him into insanity like how i fell for him. i wanted him to fall in love with me too. i wanted him to feel the ways i felt towards him. because maybe i didn’t want to live a life pining for someone who wouldn’t consider me as something more as a “bro”

i shake my head trying to rid it of these invasive thoughts. i didn’t want to fall in love with him. he only saw me as his best friend. no. no. no. 

and that was the moment when i decided to leave because i couldn’t bear the thought of spending another second with him.

i didn’t tell him the lengths i went through to try and forget him.

how i now had a girlfriend.

(samuel)

i woke up to his absence.

“thank god” i whisper 

thank god i didn’t wake up to his face. thank god i didn’t wake up thinking about kissing him. thank god i didn’t have to wake up to the best friend who i was hopelessly in love with. 

the last time we had a sleepover my fingers ached to run themselves down his soft cheeks and my head throbbed from wanting his alluring lips on mine.

ding.

i scrambled for my phone and turned it on, the light emanating from it nearly blinding me.

somi: how was last night?? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) did anything interesting happen?

i felt my entire face flush red. my mind flirted with the thought of something more than an unsuccessful sleepover happening. 

“no.” my fingers quickly jabbed. “he left without warning somewhere in the middle of the night. thank god. i wouldn’t have been able to wake up to nothing but his sleeping face in my line of sight.”

somi: oh no! anyways thanks for the update. we’re still on for our cafe date later right? i need all the deets from last night ha ha ha. ttyl sam :)

i still found it funny that the girl i once idolised like a deity was now my closest female friend. it was nice having someone to confide in apart from daehwi. 

i glanced at my clock. 8.47 am. i had three hours before i’d meet up with somi for lunch.

“hey daehwi! i just wanted to thank you for dropping by last night. but bro.” i winced before continuing “is there anything wrong? why did you leave without warning? if anything happened, just call me and i’ll help you.”

i smiled before dropping my phone back onto my mattress. i hugged the pillow he used the night right before, smothering my face in the remnants of daehwi’s lingering scent

 

(daehwi)

"yes samuel. what’s wrong is that you’re too fucking gorgeous for your own good and too pure and im just too in love with you.”

i almost hit send, quickly deleting the entire message upon realising what i wrote. my face was red. 

i was leaning against a wide pillar surrounded by masses of people animatedly chattering amongst themselves, i was trying to be discreet until the person i was waiting for arrived. i was idly scrolling through my phone when i heard a

“hey!” 

her eyes twinkled and shot me one of her signature eye smiles. i slid off my sunglasses and face mask.

ah. is this the part my heart is supposed to race. is my heart supposed to make somersaults. was i supposed to turn crimson from head to toe looking at her. i should be fidgeting, overcome with the boyish excitement.

she had feelings for me. and they just deepened after she had learnt i was in love with him. she succumbed to this cruel game love set her up with. she knew this was temporary. that one day she’d lose me and her heart would be broken.

i knew this as a fact that one day, i’d end up confessing to him and have my heart shattered too. he deserved to know. i couldn’t suffer, keeping my feelings for him locked up in my heart forever. and maybe i’d die a little in the process. maybe overdose on liquor. maybe run into some really bad decisions. maybe lose one of my closest friends. but that day wasn’t today and of course no time soon.

“hi yoojung.” i forced a slight smile onto my face.

choi yoojung. one of the most prominent figures in the entertainment industry and my girlfriend. wearing a pair of ears of a character i forgot the name of.

the person who had been in love with me and the person who i should’ve been in love with.

“let’s goooooo!!!” she exclaimed as she grabbed onto my hand.

she had babbled on and on about going to the theme park for weeks on end. we were finally free from work as she it was her rest day from all the variety shows she frequented and my boss had willingly given me a week off after completing a very successful comeback with my band mates. this was the first time we were going out alone without somi or samuel or anyone really.

we loomed towards the frenzy of childlike delirium and i could have sworn i heard the snapping of cameras before a swarm of teenage fanfare bombarded us.

(samuel)

my phone was ringing the moment i stepped out of the shower. somi. 

“somi why are you call-“

“samuel oh god.” 

“why what happened”

“daehwi and yoojung are a thing. it’s all over those drama websites and tabloids and whatever. they were caught at lotto world today. apparently they were on a date."

i could feel my heart pound through my ears. 

“somi oh MY god somi oh MY god somi oh MY god”

my mind was too focused on the fact that the person i loved was in a relationship that i was unable to string words in my head properly. each second felt like torture. something ebbed at me. my throat felt as if a vacuum had just sucked all the moisture out of it. i was stupid to fall in love with him. what minimal hope i had for him to somehow love me back diminished.

“i can’t believe it either. both of them kept mum about this until today. screw our little centers for not saying anything about this.” 

“i don’t think i can make it anymore? can we postpone to tomorrow??”

“mhm yeah okay. i understand. i might drop by later, i can’t really trust you in taking care of yourself after what happened last time. see you.”

the moment my phone beeped i felt teardrops roll down my cheek. i sprawled onto my bed, clutching onto his pillow and the blanket we were draped in last night. i was supposed to confess to him twelve hours ago on this very bed and being the coward i was, i let him fall into the arms of a girl who was obviously head over heels in love with him. 

“i’ve loved you since i’ve met you and even if you never felt the same. lee daehwi, you are my first and last love. i love you. i love you i.”

but it was too late. i couldn’t help but suffer and let this unfamiliar feeling overcome my body until i was nothing but a boy with a broken heart weeping over the love of his life.


	2. no.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the characters' ages are an absolute mess. i'd like to apologise about that in advance.\  
> also i'm updating tags as i go.  
> do expect more ship tags to be added.  
> urm also a fxf pairing might come into play later but i'd rather not disclose who at this point of time ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hihihi thank you so much for the response on this fic and my newer, winkdeep fic! i'll be eternally grateful.
> 
> i decided to post a new chapter for this as i had finished it like 2 weeks prior and just added an extra scene only recently? 
> 
> also i finally decided on a title because i've been rummaging through the wonderful music youtube has to offer and found "rather be with you" by sinead harnett and i honestly play it again and again.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8h_9fsGku3c
> 
> this fic was a result of really messed up thoughts i concocted in my head about one of my guy friends until it basically pushed me into a rut of writer's block, art block and all-time low productivity for the past year so the next few chapters might get a little darker as we explore through i guess. also a lot of troye sivan and years & years!
> 
> have fun reading i guess. lol.

(daehwi)

i love you. i love you. i love you.

that was enough to send shivers down my spine. 

the mere thought of the person i loved reciprocating my feelings.

i knew i was entrapped by this dream and i didn’t ever want to leave. i didn’t want this dream apparition of him to stop touching me like this. to stop toying with my feelings. to stop doing whatever he was doing to me.

our shirts were thrown onto the floor and he 

he was in my bed and he held me like he was a drowning man clutching at a straw. as if he needed me to survive. his kisses were warm bursts of passion running along my arms and bare back. 

i grabbed onto his back, pulling his face towards mine and …

“eh wake up”

a pale faced girl with large puppy eyes was spanking me with a floral print pillow. 

i had fallen asleep on her couch unknowingly. oops. i went over to her place after that tiring day at the theme park where i had been screaming my ass off and holding onto yoojung because i was an absolute scaredy cat. i screamed at peaks of a rollercoasters before they plummeted to the ground, wasted money on merch i’d probably never touch again and ate overpriced theme park food with her. it was fun to keep my mind off him and just to enjoy my life. apart from the fact that fans tailed us throughout our entire date, it was pretty fun.

“ok bro i have no problem with you crashing my couch and all but tomorrow’s your birthday. somi literally took 10 hours off work just this week to get your party together. it’s gonna be a blast and you wouldn’t be able to enjoy your day tomorrow unless you get sufficient rest tonight.” 

oh yeah. i totally forgot that it was my birthday the next day. yoojung's party earlier this year (it was somi’s brainchild) was an absolute mess. people making out everywhere. a never ending stream of pizza deliveries from dominos. and everyone was drunk. i remember cathy accidentally throwing up on with her arms slung over chaeyeon and somi from drinking too much vodka. seonho went on and on about how he wouldn't disrupt his 5 meals a day diet by getting hungover but ended up playing beer pong with guanlin, soyeon and eunbin anyways. 

“oh ok. bye then. i’ll see you tomorrow.”

i gave her a hug that lasted for like five seconds before pushing her apartment door to leave and gave her a wink before heading off. today was one of the best days i’d had in a long time and it was nice having to worry about accidentally flirting or ending up in extremely awkward situations.

 

she deserved much better than me. she deserved assurance of being with someone forever. she deserved someone who wasn't completely with her. i was so selfish. so selfish. so selfish. 

i'll break it off with her within this week.

oh yeah. i’d see him again tomorrow. no biggie. right?

 

(samuel)  
i was awoken by the knocks on my bedroom door which felt like gunshots ricocheting through my ear. i used my blanket to cover my head even more.

“bruh, im going in!”

ah it was somi.

i quickly sat upright against the wall behind my bed wiped the blanket against my face, trying to rid my face of tears. my eyes felt as if they has been blasted with fire and the trembles that materialised in the back of my throat only made it worse.

she came in carrying a takeout bag and a bouquet of flowers which she immediately bashed into my face before plopping onto the edge of my bed, facing across me. her chocolate brown eyes widened.

“you're hopeless.” she muttered under her breath before continuing, this time fixating her gaze onto my tear stricken face, “dude i just thought you needed a little of moral support so i decided to drop by. i got you some cake."

 

“tomorrow i have to see him again. i can’t bear that. he’ll probably be snuggled up against yoojung the whole time. i don’t want to see that. nope. i think i’m not going to his party tomorrow …”

“have you gone bonkers? i understand you’re hurt about this and all but i don’t want you to prolong your weeping at home and staying depressed. don’t you remember the last time this happened?” she paused for a while, the sparkle in her eyes dissipating and her pinkish complexion reverted to a deathly pallor for a single second before reverting “i’d rather you see him to get over him. besides, there’ll be alcohol. drink your problems away as much as you want. for all you know there are some hot people who’ll turn up who are friends of daehwi’s and you can make out to your heart’s content… when my first ex broke up with me, i had no choice but to see him everyday and gradually i got over him and i was even happy he ended up with my best friend at that time. give it a try”

“ok then i’ll go then. just make sure i don’t drink too much because i don’t want anything bad happening. i don’t want to dampen my relationship with you or daehwi or yoojung or anyone else there.”

“i’ll protect you ok. after all, what are best friends for, right?” 

she sprung off my bed, coming closer to me to lean in for a hug. her warmth was only able to fill in a small portion of the void that lee daehwi had created.

anyways, she dropped the brown paper bag onto the bedside table and perched the flowers on the edge of my blanket.

she gave me a puckish smile and closed the door slowly behind her.

and you might be wondering too but i still don’t understand why it had to be daehwi and not her. she was straight, she had the highest compatibility with me according to tween magazines and she also read my mind as if she had telepathy. he would never love me, he was taken by a girl he had been crushing on for years and he was my first real friend who i couldn’t afford to lose because of a stupid crush.

i knew well that jeon somi, of all people, would never make my heart ever flutter like in the same way.

i glossed over the two words repeatedly in my mind. lee. daehwi.

and maybe this was the hardest part of falling in love, it was that there was never the security that they reciprocated. that you’d live with the ongoing paranoia attacking you at random times of the day. but one day i’ll learn how to live with this. i just want to see him happy with the person he loves. maybe i’ll be happy then too and find someone who truly loves me back.

 

(daehwi—flashback, choi yoojung’s birthday)

my hair and clothes were stuck on my skin because my sweat had taken on a glue-like form. my throat felt like it had been deprived of water for days. my ears were goaded with the blaring music out of the sound speakers. i was surrounded with drunk people and it was sweltering hot with the occasional sweep of wind. our only source of light was the glistening full moon and the soft twinkle of fairy lights festooned around the venue.

in my periphery i caught seungwoo and daniel intertwined on a couch. seungwoo propped himself against the headrest and daniel’s head was somewhere between seungwoo’s chest and his neck. seungwoo ruffled daniel’s hair between the tiny sips he took out of his wineglass, his eyes glued on his lover almost in a worshipping gaze. 

samuel. where was he. 

my eyes scoured around the scene for the boy.

seonho was drinking what seemed to be his tenth cup of beer, with the sides of his lips smothered with froth before breaking into some sort of deranged chicken dance. guanlin had a pastel pink bandanna tied around his head and ketchup smeared all over his lips. what.

there was some sort of drunk dance battle happening and eunki was grinding on someone i didn't recognise. ah. must be his new man. 

right behind him was some sort of "eunki's ex-boyfriends club" comprised of kenta, jung jung and jaechan who seemed to be cursing at eunki's slightly inappropriate dancing style between gulps of beer that made their adam apples bob up and down precipitately. 

jisung was taking instagram photos with a glass of wine against the backdrop of lights and greenery as hwanwoong and hyunbin made valiant efforts to photobomb.

there he was, resplendent in the moon’s glow. almost like a prince from one of those fairytale movies. he was underage so he couldn’t drink (it was only a month before he’d be legal anyways but he was good boy who listened to his mom so) and was playing a sober game of twister with lee woojin. the two of them claimed that they only came to eat off yoojung’s chicken buffet (courtesy of her uncle who kindly sponsored the catering)

shit. stop staring. 

i made my way to the two boys on the couch.

“hey seungwoo! can i steal daniel from you for a sec?” 

“sure daehwi.”

he gave him a peck on the cheek before helping his boyfriend up, tending to him like he was the most fragile being on the earth.

i grabbed onto daniel’s shoulder the moment he managed to stand up, bringing him to the far corner of the party venue where people committing stupid acts out of intoxication were nowhere to be found

“daniel-hyung… i think i fell in love with sammy.”

he grinned, “well i mean like it isn’t like its crystal clear or anything.”

i felt heat bubble on my cheeks along with the single sip of beer i took on accident before remembering its side effects.

“can you just tell me what to do because honestly this is killing me.” i pouted.

“do you know how ongniel came to be? alcohol. we met up in a bar one night and things went a little m18. wanna know?”

“seriously you’re no help at all.” i pushed a chuckling daniel back to the couch where i found him, back to seungwoo’s arms, where he belonged.

“dude, just heed my advice for once. loosen up and drink. i mean yoojung didn’t hire a bartender for nothing.” whined daniel, gesturing towards a man concocting drinks at one side behind a high counter.

beside the counter, sam and woojin were now drinking bottles of coca cola on the twister mat and were pointing at all the maniacs surrounding them. samuel caught me staring at him with my mouth agape and gestured for me to go towards him.

i grumbled under my breath before making a beeline towards the two boys and swung my head back to find a winking daniel drinking out of his boyfriend’s wineglass.


End file.
